So I finally got my purse. A Michael Kors purse that I found at a steep discount. He is beautiful. The problem with having such a nice purse is that he (Michael) makes everything else look so shoddy. I feel like my normal clothes aren't good enough to go with him. And I am always worrying about him. Yesterday I had to drive with him wedged up under my left armpit because I was trying to keep him away from the two slobbery shi tzus in the passenger seat. I could either save my iced coffee or Michael and I had to choose M. They kept licking the top of my drink. They have this licking compulsion, and they especially love to lick leather. As in leather couches. I am sure my purse smelled especially tasty. I couldn't put it in the backseat, because, I thought, what if one of the kids suddenly vomits, and Michael is in the line of fire? I've been a Mom for over six years. I know this is ALWAYS a possibility.
Public restrooms are a problem because I used to just sit my purse on the floor if there was no purse hook handy. Now I wouldn't do this in a McDonald's or gas station restroom, but at a Starbuck's or something, no problem. Then along came Michael. Now I have to hold him in my lap while I pee. Yesterday we were at ballet practice with Anna and Dave was carrying him for me, and he set him down on the floor. I looked at him and said, Um, he doesn't go on the floor. I think he thought I was kidding, but I totally wasn't. And yesterday, I had a really hard time finding anywhere to put him in the car. My car is in desperate need of a vacuum. (OK, a thorough detail, and new floor mats.) So again, he sat on my lap. He is a rather large purse and it violated the Do Not Place Objects Between Yourself and the Airbag rule. At work I thoroughly cleaned the table. I explained to the ladies there that there has been a lot of stomach flu and Strep throat going around. But really, I just needed a clean surface to place Michael upon.
Michael is super useful. I carry all of my medicines, both prescription and OTC, and all of my makeup, both everyday and dressy, with me. Plus my planner/address book. My 2 checkbooks. My emergency stash of dental floss, lipgloss (in case something happens to my makeup bag or the other lipglosses all over the bottom of my purse, I have an emergency backup), solid perfume (in case of a stinking emergency). My wallet, my phone, my various writing utensils, my hairbrush. My netbook is coming in the mail, and there is room for that netbook. Dave claims I could fit 5 netbooks in there. Plus, I am thinking of getting some Mace or a small, classy knife, and I need room for that also. (I go into some very iffy situations for my job.) Which brings me to another problem. I am having actual anxiety about bringing Michael along with me to the next client's house. I have been forewarned to be careful and go before dark and call someone when I arrive and while I am leaving. Most of the homes I have been in are scary dirty. Now that I have Michael, I am very nervous about what I will be walking into. Could I really get through an hour long appointment with him clutched on my lap? Do you think it might offend someone if I brought some Saran wrap or wax paper to roll out and set him upon? Hmmm. Before you think I am some sort of snob, you've got to know something: I am not a good housekeeper. So if I think some of these places are dirty, they are dirty.
I wonder how long I will have to carry Michael around before I can just lug him around and not worry about him. I mean he is leather, and black, and seems pretty durable. Is it worth carrying around something that I have to worry about so much? The answer is YES! No one ever said love was a reasonable thing.