Progress....

So the only progress I have made is that I re-joined Weight Watchers. I get access to all of the online stuff, plus unlimited monthly meetings. But somehow having that access has done nothing for my weight problem. Perhaps because I have not actually accessed anything yet? Would you believe that in two weeks, I have not been able to attend ONE meeting? Seriously. Every single time I was either going through one of my freaky head pain episodes or I had an appointment or a client or a sick kid or something...
Whatever. One thing that is helping with my eating, I guess, is that I am trying to chew as little as possible. As part of my new diagnosis of TMJ and all of the crazy ear, neck, head, eye and face pain I am having. Supposedly it can trigger pain in all kinds of areas, not just your jaw, and it is on my right side, where I already have the sinus issues, so both the jaw and sinus issues can irritate certain nerves and trigger migraines. Or just cause pain all on their own. My new doctor has been great. He is really supportive and actually listens, and seems more intent on finding the root causes of problems than just telling me I have fibromyalgia and throwing medicines at it. (Ironically enough, he withdrew me from the medicine the rheumatologist had me on for my fibro pain for the past two years, and most of my body aches and pains have gone away. Go figure.) Now if I could just get my sleep straightened out, lose weight, and get rid of my head pain episodes... I would feel like a normal person again! What we learned from my sleep study is that even when I think I sleep through the night, my brain is never cycling through normal sleep patterns, so I don't get restful sleep, and even though I am sleeping, I spend most of my time moving, twitching and moving my limbs involuntarily. Sometimes I can't fall asleep at night because I have these awful feelings in my legs that keep me awake. Anyways, so I feel that I am making progress towards getting better. Not really making progress towards losing weight yet, but I am making progress towards feeling better.
Also, as much as I love to hate myself, I do have to give myself some small amount of credit. I started working part time this year, and for someone who has zero confidence in my abilities, I have really pushed through all of that and managed to succeed. I also feel that I am able to be a loving and involved parent with my children in spite of all of my pain and personal issues. Sometimes I get caught up in the Mommy guilt cycle about various things... but I feel that one thing I do continue to do a good job at is tending to my kids emotional health and development. Sometimes I don't cook nutritious meals or maybe I let them watch too much TV sometimes, but overall I am there for them and I do teach them a lot. My husband has taken over more of the parenting burdens since I have started back to work, and I have felt very guilty about that, but lately I have realized that there is a part of parenting that I am better at than him and he can't possible replace me at. We need to be a team.